i shouldnt have went.

alright alright.
imma go smoke.
then imma try to sleep.
then imma wake up.
and its gonna be the time when im just about to go meet
twins cousin.
and after that im gonna get fucking drunk at chimes.

dad?

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life 
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with  


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I watched you die(in the heart)
I heard you cry(in the heart)
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me 
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing 

wonderful world?

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

all these are too much for me.
too much for my sis.
too much for everybody.
yeah,i had enough.
god if you want,just put my body in peace.
everything screwed up.
EVERYTHING.
i cant fucking pass through this test.
i just cant.
its not as simple as you think.
treating me this way,with this kind of life.
and all i wanted was a teenage life.
nothing more nothing less.
not some fucked up one with
family problems,relationships,finiance,studies,friends problem.
yeah i had enough.
if i were to just die.
fucking anyway.
please.
just take me away.
i wanna meet my maker in peace.
i wanna feel alive again.
its not like i wanted this.
buts its alittle too late.
and i just cant take these stress.
i wont struggle on.
in a way so cold.
in a way so cruel.
and i just cant fucking take this anymore!

now i think i understand.
how this world can overcome a man
like a friend we saw it though
in the end i gave my life for you

gave you all i had to give
founjd a place for me to rest my head
while i may be hard to find
heard theres peace just on the other side

not that i could
not that i would
let it bleed.
let it flow.
let it flood.

left this life to set me free
took a piece of you inside of me
all this hurt can finally fade
promise me you'll never feel afraid.

i hope its worth it
whats left behind me,yeah
i know you'll find your own way
when im not with you tonight



yeah it felt like hell when i saw you broke down.
im sorry.i just needed to show my anger because i needed to find someone to blame
i really hated you.but you didnt.
when i told you that i feel like a useless trash at home,
u told me that im not.
though u were not there when i needed you.
because u never knew me.
and i had never let you know me.
not tat i could or that i would.
its just that i wanted people to suffer under my burden.
i wanted to face it alone.
but i had friends.
friends who actually showed care and concerns towards me unlike how
cold both my sisters treat me.
i felt so outkast when i see u two chatting.
i couldnt join in.
i wasnt born for this group.
i wasnt born to had lots of friends too.
but i carried on living a lonely life.
till i found my girl.
my life was brighten up like how the sun did to the moon.
when we broke up..the heaven fell on my shoulder.
its like my moon no longer shines anymore.
till i broke down recently
i realise that im weak.
im childish.
im useless.
im bad tempered.
i am one hard kid to handle
i turned in to this monster i couldnt regconise.
i just feel like dying,

so far away

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong enough despite
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands are tied

So far away
And I need you to know
So far away
And I need you to need you to know

too late,for the other side.

have you ever felt like just saying fuck it?
when you drop from that high to this low?
well i did.not once.not twice.i didnt gave up my life.
yeah life a bitch.so i bitch it back.

imprisoned by a selfish bitch life.
chew me up and spit me out.
i fell for this so many times.
its ridiculous
and still i stick with this
im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
evil as they come vandictive as they make em
my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away
from im addicted
to the pain,the stress the drama
im drown in so i guess imma mess
cursed and blessed.

so meaningful huh?
definitely suiting.

i guess i'v chosen my road long time ago sis,mom,dad,friends.
this is the kind of life i want.
whenever i wanna leave this motherfucking house,i leave.
whenever i need friends,there are always there.
whenever i need help,they are always there too.
but not at home mom.not at home.

today i spent the whole morning thinking about how i fucked up.
yeah.im still trying to get over it.
but i couldnt believe it.
when i mention break up.
u hesitated.
u said okay.
i couldnt believe that you had such a low faith in yourself and myself.
seriously,i didnt saw that coming.
i bet you didnt too.
whats fucking done is fucking done.
maybe you cried the whole night.
i was mourning the whole night and morning.

well,i guess im really addicted to the stress,the drama the pain.
its just like taking drugs.
these pills just kill me slowly inside but they dont really finish me up.
you let me off your list.
fucking fucked up life.
im leaving.

our unconditional love.

its not that im trying to dis you or anything.
but sometimes i really need encouraging words from you instead of,
"if u find someone better i wish u all the best"
wtf is wrong with you?
it doesnt mean that letting go can meant giving happiness,
you go around applying that!
come on,u know i really had a tough day YESterday.
u kept trying to irritate me.
once or twice is alright,but i can tell u this.
sometimes it really hurts,just that i dont show it to you.
i know u missed me alot,thats why i asked u out yesterday.
but instead of picking up my call,u try to ignore me.
and what is this,when i send u home,u just kept walking without turning back to see if im fine.
i guess if i had fainted back there,u wouldnt care until i shouted at you.
who wouldnt be pissed off?
you tell me what to do,not me.
im sick of trying to struggle on with u there expecting everything from me.
i know its a hard road.
we struggled long enough.
but that doesnt mean we have to give up now.
its a race,but the race aint over yet.
stop listening to that retarded song i wanted you. -.-

fuck.i lost my ezlink -.-||
i need a new slipper.
NEW URBAN!
(hint hint)

talking 2 myself

Is anybody out there? It feels like I'm talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle, and everything I come from
Can anybody hear me? Yeah, I guess I keep talkin' to myself
It feels like I'm goin' insane, am I the one who's crazy?

So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I'm on my own
Is there anyone out there, who feels the way I feel?
If there is then let me in so that I know that I'm not the only one

helpless situation.

everyone has been there once before?
well i've been there like countless times.
wonder hows pops doing.
should i visit him?
i didn't thought that "that" was a good idea.
so i skipped.
im stuck at home.
im financially broke.
fucked up sis.
fucked up home.
im lonely.
everything is screwed.

no love?

"its a little too late to say

that yours sorry now.

you kick me when i was

down

fuck what you say just

don't hurt me."

Loyalty & Reassurance
You tend to be doubtful about the status of your relationships. You always fear that the end might sneak up on you and you would once again go through the pain and embarrassment of loosing the person you love to someone else.Past relationships have left you with a pessimistic way of thinking and you constantly need reassurance.You want someone who needs and loves you just as much and you need and love them. You want to believe your lover only has eyes for you.

25/8/10 9.09pm

IM SORRY DAD.

i know i've been such a disappointment all these year.
im really sorry.i feel you pain now.
i've never really achieve some to make you proud before.
remember the song "perfect"?
"hey dad look at me,think back and talk to me did i grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.
it really hurts.. all these years.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me.

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore."

im sorry dad..im really sorry this time.
i hope god will bless you with all his love.
its been hard for you.
rest well over there...

when hope fails you.
pull up your chin.
there's always another way.

god...its like the 3rd day that im still awake.
haven gotten much sleep yet.
at times like this,there's too much getting into my head.
might blow up anytime?

i was kinda REALLY tired a few hours back,
watching some lame "ghost" movie at wei sin house with kaiz.
i seriously fell asleep instantly.

my cough hasn't been cured.
its been like weeks.
wonder if im really smoking too much or maybe i should just stop.

god damn man...
a problem after another.
fml;

patiences.

(1..2...1,2,3,4)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

has anyone ever wonder if you're the only one suffering so much pain?
enduring,struggling and trying to live on?
wishing and hoping that its the end of your life?
that's a selfish person.

i saw this qoute "dying is the day worth living for"
took me quite awhile to digest this one.
"the day we die is the day where its most worth living for."
if you know that you are going to die,
you'll definitely treasure what you've left,make the best out of it.
thats how the qoute "live each day like its your last" comes about.
then you'll see the idea.
if theres no death,there will be no reason for living.
maybe im wrong.
maybe the afterlife does happens.

in your shadow.

I hate my life,
I can't sit still for
One more single day

I've been here waiting for,
Something to live and die for
Let's run and hide

Out of touch, out of time
Just get lost without a sign
As long as you stand by my side,

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine.

You see my soul,
I'm a nightmare.
I'm out of control,
I'm crashing,
Into the dark, into the blue,
Into the world of our cocoon.

You're the sun and I'm the moon

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine

Don't let go-oh, oh, oh no
don't you know?!

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine!
Shine!
Shine!

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine!
Shine!
Shine!

In your shadow I can shine

stop complaining,i know im a fucking stealer :X

home.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

grumbling

did i really make the right decision back there?
i think failed.im so disappointed.
the more i think,the more i smoke.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
im sick of being down.
sick of being stressed.
sick of my parents.
sick of school.
sick of studies.
i wanna breakdown and cry.
prolly jump down some building dying without anyone noticing,
fuck.
why do i have such naive thoughts.
i feel stupid now.
retarded.
fuck.
someone kill me please!

BYE

No matter how many times did you told me you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breath
No matter how many nights did you lie
I'd wait to the sounds of pausing rain
Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?
(Heart beat, a heart beat, i need a heart beat...)

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn
This sorry can't change things, I so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

No matter how many deaths I die, I will never forget
No matter how many lies I live, I will never regret
There's a fire inside,
Of this heart,
About to explode into flames
Where is your God?
Where is your God?
Where is your God...?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dear?

Do you really want?
(A heart beat, a heart beat, I need a heart beat...
You know I gotta leave, I can't stay, I know I gotta go, I can't stay)

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

You say you wrong, you wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight
Ok, I'm running from the light, running from the day to night
Oh, the quiet silence defines our misery
The riot inside keeps trying to visit me
No matter how we try, it's too much history
Too many bad notes playing in our symphony
So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go
Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow
And then you call upon God
You call upon God

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

a really meaningful song.


sorry people,its just the broken down me if you see me looking kinda weird.
i need time to patch myself back.
why the fuck did i write this when i know that nobody came to my blog for awhile already.
no one tags,so i take it as 0 count.
NEVERMIND IM TALKING TO MYSELF.
yeah im going insane.

Space Bound 140710

[Verse 1:]
We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isnt much
But its enough to make me wonder whats in store for us
Its lust its torturous 
You must be a sorceress cause you just
Did the impossible
Gain my trust dont play games itll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt imma show you what its like to hurt
Cause I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil
Spell it backwards I'll show ya

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
Its noones fault but my own
Its the path ive chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Dont ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin hos
Bloodsuckin succubus what the fuck is up with this
Ive tried in this department but I aint had no luck with this
Its sucks but its exactly what I thought it would be
Like tryin to start over
I gotta hole in my heart I'm some kind of emotional rollercoaster
Somethin I wont go on til you toy with my emotion so its over
Its like an explosion everytime I hold ya wasnt jokin when I told ya
Ya take my breathe away
Your a supernova.. and I'm a

[Chorus:]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 2:]
I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I aint
With you I have zero strength
Theres no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get em its never the same
You want them when they dont want you
Soon as they do feelings change
Its not a contest and I aint on no conquest for no mate
I wasnt lookin but I stumbled onto you mustve been fate
But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Lets cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I wont be makin a mistake

[Chorus]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 3:]
So after a year and 6 months its no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to god
Ill blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin
Im tryin to stop you from leavin
You wont even listen so fuck it
Im tryin to stop you from breathin
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezin
Til I snap ya neck like a popsicle stick
Aint no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house
And let you live
Tears streamed down both of my cheeks
Then I let you just go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would do anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But its over now
Its too late to save our love
Just promise me youll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star cause imma

[Chorus]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Right at you
Right at you

110710

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me of you, love
Walking through wintertime
Where the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On a mystery night

I’ve been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back?
Could I get you off my mind
This time

hey god..was what i did right or wrong..
i have no idea..
though its my birthday..i haven felt happy yet.
issit because im lost?
or issit because im stupid..

25 to life

[Intro]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Yeah
Too late
I cant keep chasing em
I'm taking my life back
Caught in a change
25 to life

[Verse 1]
I dont think she understands the sacrifices that I made
Maybe if this bitch had acted right I wouldve stayed
But ive already wasted over half of my life I wouldve laid
Down and died for you I no longer cry for you
No more pain bitch you
Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it
Now my respect I demand it
Imma take control of this relationship
Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while ive stayed
Paved for all the way this is how I fucking get repaid
Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess
Always in a rush to get back to you I aint heard you yet
Not even once say you apreciate me I deserve respect
Ive done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness
And I know that if I end this I'll no longer have nothing left
But you keep treating me like a staircase its time to fucking step
And I wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath
You know what youve done no need to go in depth
I told you, youd be sorry if I fucking left
Id laugh while you wept
Hows it feel now, yeah, funny aint it, you neglected me
And I know that if I'm in this
I'll no longer have nothing left
Did me a favor although my spirit free you've said
But a special place for you in my heart I have kept
Its unfortunate but its,

[Chorus]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life

[Verse 2]
I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh
Cause that aint good enough you expect me to fold myself in half
Til I snap
Dont think I'm loyal
All I do is rap
I can not moonlight on the side
I have no life outside of that
Dont I give you enough of my time
You dont think so do you
Jealous when I spend time with the girls
Why I'm married to you still man I dont know
But tonight I'm serving you with papers
Im divoricing you
Go marry someone else and make em famous
And take away there freedom like you did to me
Treat em like you dont need them and they aint worthy of you
Feed em the same shit you made me eat
Im moving on forget you oh,
Now I'm special, ha I felt special when I was with you
All I ever felt was this
Helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish bitch
Chew me up and spit me out
I fell for this so many times
Its ridiculus
And still I stick with this
Im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
Your as addictive as they get
Evil as they come vandictive as they make em
My friends keep asking why I cant just walk away
Im addicted
To the pain, the stress, the drama
Im drown in so I guess imma mess
Cursed and blessed
But this time imma
Aint changing my mind
I'm climbing out this abyss
You screaming as I walk out that I'll be missed
But when you spoke to people who meant the most to you
You left me off your list
Fuck you hip-hop
Im leaving you, my life sentence is served bitch
And its just

[Chorus]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late
Caught in a change
25 to life

I NEED YOU NOW.

time is going by,
so much faster that i,
can never really spend it all with you~

love the part of the song never gonna be alone by nickelback.

school today.
i went early for the first time ever.
LOL.
cox i slept since i reach home yesterday.
-.- till this morning.
went in the class and saw HKP alone -.-
went cafe 3 for drink.

after cmos,which i never really do anything except for
fb and playing my itouch,
went lobster to eat.
some shitty chilli pork meat rice.
salty , spicy.YUK.

after makan,
pon java for the first time.
regret liao -.-