im not dead.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
There's always cracks
Crack of sunlight
Crack in the mirror on your lips
It's the moment of a sunset Friday
When our conversations twist
It's the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo
But the ice should be on our heads
We only spun the web to catch ourselves
So we weren't left for dead

And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you
And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to

I'm not dead just floating
Right between the ink of your tattoo
In the belly of the beast we turned into
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight

You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the facts
That others come and others go but you always come back
I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain
And just like the change of seasons
I know you'll be back again

I'm not dead just floating
Underneath the ink of my tattoo
I've tried to hide my scars from you
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight oh

I'm not dead just yet
I'm not dead I'm just floating
Doesn't matter where I'm going
I'll find you
I'm not scared at all
Underneath the cuts and bruises
Finally gained what no one loses
I'll find you
I will find you

I'm not dead just floating
I'm not scared just changing
You're my crack of sunlight yeah

In my dreams
It was me in your arms
My lips on yours
There was only us
And the clouds
And the stars
It was the world and us
It was us against the world
But in your arms I could take it
Anything the world dished out
And with your kisses I was strong again
In my dreams it was me in your arms
My lips on yours
But in reality
I've never deserved you.

waiting for the end.

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

last regret.

shed a tear cox im missing you

i've just realised how little friends i have.
its just so pathetic that only this few friends could understand me.
its really sadding to hear that people are hating your attitude when
non of them knows why i've turned liddat.
look at pearlyn,wee leng,laura,swee hong.
since when did they complain about my attitude.
even if they did,i would regconise their thoughts.
at least they know my inside out.
but other than them..
look at how the others treat me.
its just like people judging a book by its cover.
i see no point in being friends with them.
theres nothing worth my time in them.
i just wan to give advise to my love ones.
i wont even bother to talk to "them" anymore.
because in the end,its just not worth it.
in the end.im just being taken for granted.
im really wore out.
im tired of living.
just when i tried to live a again.
the devil comes over and fuck it all up.
im really tired..
i need my time alone i guess..
its been hard on me..really.
even robots needs to take a break.
i hope i wont shed a tear for my "friends" anymore.
instead ill love my close ones with all i could.
protect time.and hopefully we will stay strong..
hopefully ill be the sacrifice.
hopefully i can rest in peace.

enough said.
im not turning back anymore.
this is the new me.
no more changing.
i told myself.
i've live my life to the fullest already.
i've enjoyed the process of turning into an adult.
i've learn so much that i myself is suprise.
i hope its time for me to go.
i really wanna rest my head and meet my maker in peace.

thanks everyone for being there for me.
i love you.u guys are the best.

Dear Cx Trapnest, Your Life Path Number is 8. This based on below calculation:

Birth Date: 26-06-1992
2+6+0+6+1+9+9+2=35=3+5=8:

Below are the analysis of life path number
...The Life Path 8 suggests that you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and govern. You are very ambitious and goal-oriented. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you were born to be an executive.: See more
You know how to manage yourself and your environment. Your ability to judge the character and potential of the people around you is an asset used to your advantage. A large part of your success in life comes from how hard you work. This Life Path is the most prone to producing workaholics. But your ability to spot good people and engage them in your endeavors is a special trait not to be overlooked. There is an inspirational quality in your makeup which allows you to become a great leader. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead

i shouldnt have went.

alright alright.
imma go smoke.
then imma try to sleep.
then imma wake up.
and its gonna be the time when im just about to go meet
twins cousin.
and after that im gonna get fucking drunk at chimes.

dad?

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life 
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with  


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I watched you die(in the heart)
I heard you cry(in the heart)
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me 
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing 

wonderful world?

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

all these are too much for me.
too much for my sis.
too much for everybody.
yeah,i had enough.
god if you want,just put my body in peace.
everything screwed up.
EVERYTHING.
i cant fucking pass through this test.
i just cant.
its not as simple as you think.
treating me this way,with this kind of life.
and all i wanted was a teenage life.
nothing more nothing less.
not some fucked up one with
family problems,relationships,finiance,studies,friends problem.
yeah i had enough.
if i were to just die.
fucking anyway.
please.
just take me away.
i wanna meet my maker in peace.
i wanna feel alive again.
its not like i wanted this.
buts its alittle too late.
and i just cant take these stress.
i wont struggle on.
in a way so cold.
in a way so cruel.
and i just cant fucking take this anymore!

now i think i understand.
how this world can overcome a man
like a friend we saw it though
in the end i gave my life for you

gave you all i had to give
founjd a place for me to rest my head
while i may be hard to find
heard theres peace just on the other side

not that i could
not that i would
let it bleed.
let it flow.
let it flood.

left this life to set me free
took a piece of you inside of me
all this hurt can finally fade
promise me you'll never feel afraid.

i hope its worth it
whats left behind me,yeah
i know you'll find your own way
when im not with you tonight



yeah it felt like hell when i saw you broke down.
im sorry.i just needed to show my anger because i needed to find someone to blame
i really hated you.but you didnt.
when i told you that i feel like a useless trash at home,
u told me that im not.
though u were not there when i needed you.
because u never knew me.
and i had never let you know me.
not tat i could or that i would.
its just that i wanted people to suffer under my burden.
i wanted to face it alone.
but i had friends.
friends who actually showed care and concerns towards me unlike how
cold both my sisters treat me.
i felt so outkast when i see u two chatting.
i couldnt join in.
i wasnt born for this group.
i wasnt born to had lots of friends too.
but i carried on living a lonely life.
till i found my girl.
my life was brighten up like how the sun did to the moon.
when we broke up..the heaven fell on my shoulder.
its like my moon no longer shines anymore.
till i broke down recently
i realise that im weak.
im childish.
im useless.
im bad tempered.
i am one hard kid to handle
i turned in to this monster i couldnt regconise.
i just feel like dying,

so far away

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong enough despite
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands are tied

So far away
And I need you to know
So far away
And I need you to need you to know

too late,for the other side.

have you ever felt like just saying fuck it?
when you drop from that high to this low?
well i did.not once.not twice.i didnt gave up my life.
yeah life a bitch.so i bitch it back.

imprisoned by a selfish bitch life.
chew me up and spit me out.
i fell for this so many times.
its ridiculous
and still i stick with this
im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
evil as they come vandictive as they make em
my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away
from im addicted
to the pain,the stress the drama
im drown in so i guess imma mess
cursed and blessed.

so meaningful huh?
definitely suiting.

i guess i'v chosen my road long time ago sis,mom,dad,friends.
this is the kind of life i want.
whenever i wanna leave this motherfucking house,i leave.
whenever i need friends,there are always there.
whenever i need help,they are always there too.
but not at home mom.not at home.

today i spent the whole morning thinking about how i fucked up.
yeah.im still trying to get over it.
but i couldnt believe it.
when i mention break up.
u hesitated.
u said okay.
i couldnt believe that you had such a low faith in yourself and myself.
seriously,i didnt saw that coming.
i bet you didnt too.
whats fucking done is fucking done.
maybe you cried the whole night.
i was mourning the whole night and morning.

well,i guess im really addicted to the stress,the drama the pain.
its just like taking drugs.
these pills just kill me slowly inside but they dont really finish me up.
you let me off your list.
fucking fucked up life.
im leaving.