alive.

I've got so much love for you darlin'
And I, I wanna let you know how I feel

And it's true that I love you
And it's true you're the only one
And I do, I adore you
And it's true, girl

never really wanted but just for a moment.

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon~

sometimes i just wish that im fucking perfect.

dear blogger,
u know, i kept reminding myself
the shitty things i've done before
i've repeatedly remind myself to never look back.
but..i just cant.

keeps going on my head.

So nice to see your face again
Tell me how long has it been
Since you've been here
(Since you've been here)
You look so different than before
You're still the person I adore
Frozen with fear
All out of love but I take it from the past
All out of words cause I'm sure it'll ever last

one thing i realised about myself.

i've never managed to move on from the past.

im always stuck somewhere somehow not able to forget.

when u try so hard to avoid it,it just keeps coming back.

i hate it alot when im having a good time and those flashbacks just keeps coming back.

i miss the warm feeling.the feeling when nothing else matters.

i seem to be always lost at some point of life.
nothing seems to interest me anymore.
one question i've never managed to answer.
what do i want in life?
work in the army?
teacher...policeman...?
i want to start my own business :)
opening a restaurant pub :)
but it seems like this dream of mine is never coming true.
well at least i have one thing to work hard for.

Code Geass R2

first time i teared after watching anime.

really nice story :)

2011 resolution:
clear ming's debt slowly
have a saving for friends presents
wait till i get in NS

i realised,i've never really understand a girl's thinking.

at the end of the journey,everyone wants to settle down and have a loving wife.

every girl wants to be attached to something.

every badass guy just wanna to have fun.

sometimes i dont even understand my own feelings.

issit lust? issit faith? =/

sometimes i wonder,when i advise those young couples,

to keep going,no matter what,hold on.

then i look back,i've never been a successful one myself,

i always end up in one complete big mess

never understand how my partner feels

i remember myself telling you that you dun understand,

to be honest,i've never understood myself.

sometimes i need someone to hug and hold on to.

sometimes i just wanna be alone and not to be bother

i wonder,do my friends think this way too?

am i such a bothersome person?

in reality,i've never wanted to be alone.

but deep down,i know,that when im alone,

i wont be able to hurt anyone,or myself.

maybe its just this nightmare and these flash backs that keeps coming.

i dont even know what i want anymore.

to grow old?

have family?

support my family?

damn.

its tiring to keep thinking this way.

im sick of being involved in relationship.

maybe 10 years later,ill look back and tell myself,

you stupid retard.

maybe,ill just keep moving forward.

maybe ill get to forget you :)

and hopefully..he is your true happiness.

ciao blogger! :)

yes,ill miss you.i said that too many times before.

this was the life i wished for.
somehow,deep in my heart,
i wanted to be alone :)

i guess,nobody like a too honest person.
being too honest just lures assholes.
thats just how the world spins.
there wont be good without evil.

i remember being framed by them.

those so called friends.

i remember when they needed me,

i was always there.

but they werent there,

when i needed them.

so called friends i needed.

its only been a few days.

seems like my asthma is active once again.
its kinda funny but i actually did saw this coming.
just how long more..?
im really tired.

ijustwannaleavequietly.

finally,the feelings are fading.

one goal i tried to accomplish but failed.seeing your real smiles.

you seem to be the only motivation i had when all else fails

living each day like no tomorow .

living each day without regrets.

i did make a mistake which i regretted alot.

not being totally committed to you.

i didnt have enough guts to show you the real me.

i guess..there is no point regretting now that you're gone.

i should be glad thats all :)

this tattoo will be a mark.

for my love to you.

i dont mind the future or the past anymore.

this is the real me.

well,

NEXT PLAN.

NS.

i hope granny will be alright..

i want to see her smiles again..

beautiful desire

Secret - Maroon 5

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road

Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don’t ever let go oh no

I know I don’t know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh no they can’t

Driving fast now
Don’t think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are

Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe of beads of sweat
Slowly you say "i’m not there yet!" 

the tattoo didnt hurt that much.

but your decision did.

child of burning time

I cut my name into my heart still i tear it all apart

I beg you burn me away i won't become your hero just to fight the life i saved

Burn me away i won't give up tommorow just to lose it all today

I burn away...

i guess..the only reason why i hold on to you is because...
i knew i wasnt perfect enough for you.
i always wanted you to be by my side 24/7
i always wanted you to be there
i always wanted...you.
yeah..i know im selfish and stubborn.
well..im still learning.

even if the world ends

,i want be there for you.

thats all i wish.

and all i ask..

i guess...i am developing 2 personalities..idk why but..it just comes and go..the happy and the complete opposite.

i've lost track of time because i had nothing to look forward to..
imissedyousomuch.