grumbling

did i really make the right decision back there?
i think failed.im so disappointed.
the more i think,the more i smoke.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
im sick of being down.
sick of being stressed.
sick of my parents.
sick of school.
sick of studies.
i wanna breakdown and cry.
prolly jump down some building dying without anyone noticing,
fuck.
why do i have such naive thoughts.
i feel stupid now.
retarded.
fuck.
someone kill me please!

BYE

No matter how many times did you told me you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breath
No matter how many nights did you lie
I'd wait to the sounds of pausing rain
Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?
(Heart beat, a heart beat, i need a heart beat...)

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn
This sorry can't change things, I so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

No matter how many deaths I die, I will never forget
No matter how many lies I live, I will never regret
There's a fire inside,
Of this heart,
About to explode into flames
Where is your God?
Where is your God?
Where is your God...?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dear?

Do you really want?
(A heart beat, a heart beat, I need a heart beat...
You know I gotta leave, I can't stay, I know I gotta go, I can't stay)

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

You say you wrong, you wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight
Ok, I'm running from the light, running from the day to night
Oh, the quiet silence defines our misery
The riot inside keeps trying to visit me
No matter how we try, it's too much history
Too many bad notes playing in our symphony
So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go
Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow
And then you call upon God
You call upon God

Tell me would you kill to save your life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry
(This hurricane's chasing us all underground)

a really meaningful song.


sorry people,its just the broken down me if you see me looking kinda weird.
i need time to patch myself back.
why the fuck did i write this when i know that nobody came to my blog for awhile already.
no one tags,so i take it as 0 count.
NEVERMIND IM TALKING TO MYSELF.
yeah im going insane.

Space Bound 140710

[Verse 1:]
We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isnt much
But its enough to make me wonder whats in store for us
Its lust its torturous 
You must be a sorceress cause you just
Did the impossible
Gain my trust dont play games itll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt imma show you what its like to hurt
Cause I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil
Spell it backwards I'll show ya

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
Its noones fault but my own
Its the path ive chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Dont ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin hos
Bloodsuckin succubus what the fuck is up with this
Ive tried in this department but I aint had no luck with this
Its sucks but its exactly what I thought it would be
Like tryin to start over
I gotta hole in my heart I'm some kind of emotional rollercoaster
Somethin I wont go on til you toy with my emotion so its over
Its like an explosion everytime I hold ya wasnt jokin when I told ya
Ya take my breathe away
Your a supernova.. and I'm a

[Chorus:]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 2:]
I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I aint
With you I have zero strength
Theres no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get em its never the same
You want them when they dont want you
Soon as they do feelings change
Its not a contest and I aint on no conquest for no mate
I wasnt lookin but I stumbled onto you mustve been fate
But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Lets cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I wont be makin a mistake

[Chorus]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 3:]
So after a year and 6 months its no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to god
Ill blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin
Im tryin to stop you from leavin
You wont even listen so fuck it
Im tryin to stop you from breathin
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezin
Til I snap ya neck like a popsicle stick
Aint no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house
And let you live
Tears streamed down both of my cheeks
Then I let you just go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would do anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But its over now
Its too late to save our love
Just promise me youll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star cause imma

[Chorus]
Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Right at you
Right at you

110710

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me of you, love
Walking through wintertime
Where the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On a mystery night

I’ve been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back?
Could I get you off my mind
This time

hey god..was what i did right or wrong..
i have no idea..
though its my birthday..i haven felt happy yet.
issit because im lost?
or issit because im stupid..

25 to life

[Intro]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Yeah
Too late
I cant keep chasing em
I'm taking my life back
Caught in a change
25 to life

[Verse 1]
I dont think she understands the sacrifices that I made
Maybe if this bitch had acted right I wouldve stayed
But ive already wasted over half of my life I wouldve laid
Down and died for you I no longer cry for you
No more pain bitch you
Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it
Now my respect I demand it
Imma take control of this relationship
Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while ive stayed
Paved for all the way this is how I fucking get repaid
Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess
Always in a rush to get back to you I aint heard you yet
Not even once say you apreciate me I deserve respect
Ive done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness
And I know that if I end this I'll no longer have nothing left
But you keep treating me like a staircase its time to fucking step
And I wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath
You know what youve done no need to go in depth
I told you, youd be sorry if I fucking left
Id laugh while you wept
Hows it feel now, yeah, funny aint it, you neglected me
And I know that if I'm in this
I'll no longer have nothing left
Did me a favor although my spirit free you've said
But a special place for you in my heart I have kept
Its unfortunate but its,

[Chorus]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life

[Verse 2]
I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh
Cause that aint good enough you expect me to fold myself in half
Til I snap
Dont think I'm loyal
All I do is rap
I can not moonlight on the side
I have no life outside of that
Dont I give you enough of my time
You dont think so do you
Jealous when I spend time with the girls
Why I'm married to you still man I dont know
But tonight I'm serving you with papers
Im divoricing you
Go marry someone else and make em famous
And take away there freedom like you did to me
Treat em like you dont need them and they aint worthy of you
Feed em the same shit you made me eat
Im moving on forget you oh,
Now I'm special, ha I felt special when I was with you
All I ever felt was this
Helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish bitch
Chew me up and spit me out
I fell for this so many times
Its ridiculus
And still I stick with this
Im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
Your as addictive as they get
Evil as they come vandictive as they make em
My friends keep asking why I cant just walk away
Im addicted
To the pain, the stress, the drama
Im drown in so I guess imma mess
Cursed and blessed
But this time imma
Aint changing my mind
I'm climbing out this abyss
You screaming as I walk out that I'll be missed
But when you spoke to people who meant the most to you
You left me off your list
Fuck you hip-hop
Im leaving you, my life sentence is served bitch
And its just

[Chorus]
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a change
25 to life
Too late
Caught in a change
25 to life

I NEED YOU NOW.

time is going by,
so much faster that i,
can never really spend it all with you~

love the part of the song never gonna be alone by nickelback.

school today.
i went early for the first time ever.
LOL.
cox i slept since i reach home yesterday.
-.- till this morning.
went in the class and saw HKP alone -.-
went cafe 3 for drink.

after cmos,which i never really do anything except for
fb and playing my itouch,
went lobster to eat.
some shitty chilli pork meat rice.
salty , spicy.YUK.

after makan,
pon java for the first time.
regret liao -.-

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

well,its the end for me.
so sick of people asking me where are you now.
just fuck off seriously.
yep its true,i feel despised.
go bother someone else PLEASE.

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right.

wow.i slept from yesterday,when i just reach home till this morning.
went to school..realised theres only 1 lesson -.-
should have skip school.
boring lectures..by mr ONGG
lesson halfway some friends wanna go cafe eat.
kinda hungry so join them..
toilet...went back. 30mins gone.
just when we were back,theres another break XD.

well..other than photoshop.
im not learning much in school.
Computer maintenance shit..dun quite understand.
java...haven attend a single lesson yet.

fyi my laptop crashed
thats why maybe i nvr reply some of ya
or ya cannot send msg to me
no worries.getting it fixed today :)

bye.

well...first few days of school pretty much sucked.
had to follow wee leng around course no friends there.
not really ZERO friends la.
made a few...locus and wilfred.
kailin in my class too :)

seen one of my lecturer.
kinda sian.
hiax.

nvm.
bye bye

die die must watch.

my np appeal failed.
wasnt really expecting anything at all.
but why..this feeling.

30/3/10 0242

well,im finally updating.

been going home at some !@#! hour lately.
im crazy. -.-
but it was fun.
be with my friends. :)
well,all this will be gone one day.
and i needa stop going home late.

work?
never really work much lately.
pon a few times.
hock kana scolding XD
kinda sick of that place already.
all kinds of shit happens.

school?
im only left with NP appeal.
the rest all failed.
im not expecting much anyway.
though im still pinning of that little hope.
ITE starting school on 12 april.
the appeal will come out on 5 april.
gonna pray.

church?
haven been to city harvest since !#!@#!@$!
miss all my buds there.
wonder if they miss me :X


i feel dead now.
not knowing whats next for me.
feels like floating in the sea.
drifting somewhere somehow.

everyone says im too emotional.
i dont think they understand.

when its gone..
its gone.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
There's always cracks
Crack of sunlight
Crack in the mirror on your lips
It's the moment of a sunset Friday
When our conversations twist
It's the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo
But the ice should be on our heads
We only spun the web to catch ourselves
So we weren't left for dead

And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you
And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to

I'm not dead just floating
Right between the ink of your tattoo
In the belly of the beast we turned into
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight

You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the facts
That others come and others go but you always come back
I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain
And just like the change of seasons
I know you'll be back again

I'm not dead just floating
Underneath the ink of my tattoo
I've tried to hide my scars from you
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight oh

I'm not dead just yet
I'm not dead I'm just floating
Doesn't matter where I'm going
I'll find you
I'm not scared at all
Underneath the cuts and bruises
Finally gained what no one loses
I'll find you
I will find you

I'm not dead just floating
I'm not scared just changing
You're my crack of sunlight yeah

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?

10/3/10

well,im taking a break today.
chalet tomorrow!!!
woo!


are you with me?

I can feel that the wheels in motion
In this life, in this song, time and again
Looking back theres a new reflection
Now I know what you give is what you get

In the end its all or nothing
And I feel Im ready now
So I try to be the answer
Cause I dont wanna lose you again

Now I bet that your ears are burning
With three words on the tip of my tongue
I just hope that your heart is open
So that I can undo what Ive done

In the end its all or nothing
And I feel Im ready now
So I try to be the answer
Cause I dont wanna lose you again

Like a star, its so hard to reach you
Not enough just to call you a friend
And I know that I dont deserve you
But I dont wanna lose you again, oh

In the end its all or nothing
And I feel Im ready now
So I try to be the answer
Cause I dont wanna lose you again
No, I dont wanna lose you again

LOL

7/3/10

YAY city harvest is finally moving!
the best of all SUNTEC CONVENTION CENTER!!!
WOO HOO!
next great new is that we're moving in next year march!
only 1 year man!
awesome!

yishi's chalet is coming too.
im so excited about it :)

kinda hate my life now.
when i work,i wish i can go home.
when im off work,i wish work never comes next.
i wanna get paid while sleeping -.-

maybe im just like john.
cant wait for school to start.
idk.

If you can hear this don't assume that I'm talking to you
Yesterday everything I thought, I believed in died
But today is my birthday, today is my birthday

I don't need you, I'll say it to myself
It doesn't mean I won't need somebody
Anyone with half a soul will hear this and they'll never leave me

If you don't know what forever feels like
I'll show you what it feels like without it
I'll show you what it feels like without it

This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in

And I can get by now, I'm not really dead
But I really needed someone to save me
Leaving me alone to die
Is worse than having any guts to kill me

If you don't know what forever feels like
I'll show you what it feels like without it
I'll show you what it feels like without it

This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in

Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss
Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss

Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss
Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss

Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss
Not letting you win won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss

So watch my chest heave
As this last breath leaves me
I am trying to be
What you're dying to see

I feel like "Fuck man,
Can't take this, anymore,
This heart, break this."
This is life that's so thankless,
How could he just forsake us?

ever felt lost in your own path?
you chosen it and yet?
maybe its not really the path you wanted.

its complicated.

well,i finally got a job.
at raffles hotel - tiffin room as waiter with ah hock.
everyone calls him that -.-
and im the blockhead ah teo there.

today,3rd day of work.
got scolded by one of the manager,yusof.
for being too slow -.-
everyone says ill learning slow
but woot?
no ones teaching me constantly.
been doing chores more than work -.-

well,at least im working now.
better than rotting?
thank the lord.

ciao

"anger makes you smaller
while forgiveness forces you
to grow beyond what you were"

this holiday seems so god damn long.
and i haven got my job yet.
waiting for hock to go back to work
waiting...waiting..waiting.

i seem to be always waiting.
waiting for results waiting for approval waiting to die -.-

kinda happy-go-lucky nowadays.
theres always something happening tomorrow.
i guess i should be contented and happy?