0321 03NOV 2010

(project tainted moonlight)

yeah,i been trying to find out
What is this life all about!
i was much more than a boy
and im not excited at all!
maybe its just too early
maybe its just too late!
im just in a situation that i haven been in first place!
Everybody’s being so cool.
well,im just staying right back watching 'what you gon do',
i got up,i realise that there's something wrong with 'you'!
But no,I've been taken cared of.
I have to pick myself up
but kept felling that i screamed 'ive given up'!
well you see,it aint so tough to be me
you just to step into this
and then you'll see i mean.



Yeah,I haven been anyone.
i got so fed up i got so wild!
i made the dopest mistakes
i tried hard to forget
i tried so hard that
even some of 'them' just couldnt understand!
in the end i pick myself up from the ground,
i told myself that i am not so alone.
i told myself to be strong
i told everyone to trust god.
yeah i been wrong
but dont you ever give up on me
because i still believe!!
that its not over,
it wasnt meant to be!!
i wanted to figure out whats wrong.
i wanted to break free
all along,its just me and my dreams.



no more i told myself.
of such mistakes
i've been crying out for help
there aint nobody whos gonna help yourself up!
you just gotta learn it all
theres times which are hard,
theres times i need to let go!
but where did i end up?
i've gotten nothing but hate!
i had to focus darn hard
and then learn to be strong,
im a fool of myself
but it dont matter no more,
i've gotten what i really need
i just got to be strong!
i've learnt it all.
all these friends who stud right by me,
i gave it all and i was still hoping some more.

jealousy
attitude
sad
miss
independent
never mind
ecstasy

3:36 1 november 2010

i fell unto you

while you fell unto me too

i thought i was dreaming when i saw your face.

its hard to believe i was holding your warm hands tightly.

taking step by step i fell more and more unto you

i took a step forward and you disappeared.

you came back right when i was gone.

hatred grew inside me,feeding off my sanity slowly.

i couldnt bear to leave so i held you tight deep inside my heart.

following close behind you,i see more faith.

closing my eyes i felt at peace.

i feel alive again.

3.46am 1st november 2010

been running for so long

i think i should take a walk

its been tiring,yes.

it was worth it,yes.

i've learnt my lesson.

its time to move on chungaik!

i gotta be strong.

i wont fall.

i wont falter

this is my second chance.

i gotta grab it.

i should be sleeping.

i mourn so much its hard to believe it.

sometimes i ask myself,

god if you hate me so much,put me out of my misery.

but another voice told me to be strong.

slowly learn and figure a way out.

because life is full of pupose and love.

you just dont see it.

i gotta stand up.

i gotta fall.

what past

dont matter no more.

i gotta hope for tomorrow.

pray for my loves.

put faith in jesus christ and myself :)

i love you LDJ

everything in life paced up.

so did you,so did i.

i was just trying to fit in.

somewhere..

i guess..jie is right,

i need to grow up first before i think about you again..

though i miss you like...

i wish i can just video call you every day.

ill be contented..

but..i think..you just dont love me anymore..

u said u gave me a last chance..

i didnt took it huh..

no love is perfect my dear.

no love.

the pefection of love is when love brings you no fear in life.

if u fear..i dont think you'll be able to love me anymore.

neither do i wanna think of you..

because i heart got stabbed by myself too many times.

i thought it was dead.

by god told me..jesus is there for you when all else fails.

i went to city harvest.

i found my peace.

jesus.music.social.

when i've sober up..

ill prolly be able to live on..without you.

thats the time when i've grown into a man.

im still a boy.

not yet a man.

you are still a girl.

not yet a woman.

i dont wan a girl to make a decision that weights.

because its a part of men to make heavy decisions.

its a part of man to defend for the love ones.

its a part of man to provide the loves one.

i needa go school soon..

bye blogger :)

Kanye West - Runaway (Full-length Film)

lmao

im not moving.

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand

Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand

I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man

I know it makes no sense but what else can I do

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"

I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"

Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows

If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,

I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl

There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved

Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news

And you'll come running to the corner

'cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

I had a friend named Victor
The two of us used to hang every single day
And it seemed like overnight
That his whole life just changed
I know when his mom and dad broke up
It didn't make sense
But i know that his dad was a drunk
And he gambled away the rent

Pretty soon Vic was seeing red
Pissed off and instead
He'd drink every night until he passed out
And then hed do it all again
The whole time smiling on the outside
To cover the pain
But on the inside
All he was trying to do was get away

Dying to get away
Let the pain of yesterday
Go slipping through the cracks

Yo, Funny how things change color
Than fade to another shade
When you had it made it was all good
But now look just another day
It was so fresh
It was so clean
Never saw it gone
One, two, three
Lights out, which way to turn
Can't get a grip
All alone in a big white house
Every day gets worse
And you just curse until your head bursts
And it hurts so bad she left
Now you suffer
Should've thought of that one first
No family, no kids
Cant accept what you did
Now you wanna run away
But you can't
Cause the past comes back again

Slippin through the cracks
Sip a little jack
Go to bed half dead
What about rent
Why does every cent gotta be a bet
Whens it gonna end
Oh my god we dont got a penny left
My moms gotta find a way
To get a job, out of debt, out of dodge
Out of breath, out of this big problem
My pops wanna get away from the pain
In a better place in his brain
But the medication he takes
Makes him wasted
So sick he was gonna think
The good lord would come take him
I'm shaking him
Wake up you son of a bitch!

He's dying to get away
Let the pain of yesterday
Go slipping through the cracks
Hiding himself away
Watching all the memories fade away
From red to black

He's dying to get away
Let the pain of yesterday
Go slipping through the cracks
Hiding himself away
Watching all the memories fade away
From red to black

Slipping through the cracks
Slipping through the cracks
Slipping through the cracks

dont give up dad.
dont give up mom.
dont give up sis.
dont give up my dear friends.
because im here.
with you guys :)

dog days are over er!

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

salvation is here.

the war against humanity and mankind have started.

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

i am sorry.
but its too late.

pastor said its not impossible to see a rainbow at night.
well,one day i hope i get to see it.
a moonbow.

im tired of facing her.
facing school.
facing cell group.
facing my friends.
i wanna runaway.
but to where?

all i know is that.
i feel so alone.
but it doesnt matters anymore.
im happier.
than before.

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally gettin' better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other's opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

infatuation

Baby, I don't want to spend my life on trial
For something that I did not do
And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time
I wouldn't pass right by you

Maybe it's because you are so insecure
Maybe your plain don't care
Maybe it's the chase that really gets me off
I fall so when it's just not there

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It's such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I'm touching your skin
If it's only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

Try to put my finger on what burns me up
It always seems to escape me
And when you have decided that you've had enough
Just tell me where I need to be

Now her face is something that I never had
To ever deal with before
She left me with the feeling that she'd had enough
And I'm the one wanting more

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It's such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I'm touching your skin
If it's only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
And I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

I'm so attracted to you
The feeling's mutual too
And I get scared the moment you leave
Get so hot I forget to breathe, yeah

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It's such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I'm touching your skin
If it's only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Yeah… (I want it…)

yo listen up
stop bitching around and stand up.
when you gotta make a stand just do it.
dont let fears cloud up your mind.
you what you do and think what you should.
if you gon continue being in this state.
you'll end up alone sooner or later.
so fuck what the 3rd party wants you to do.
and do the right thing.
one mistake causes a wrong decision.
one deed dont bring you back to life.
make sure nothing wrong happens anymore.
because you only get to live this life one.
treasure it or forget about it.
its too much for you to take?
never say die!
so fuck it all up and just do your thang.
everyone's there for you.
dont being such a wuss and man up.
because at the end of the day.
the result do matter.
the process matter even more.
the past is the one which dont matter anymore.

and take away their freedom like you did to me.

im not dead.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
There's always cracks
Crack of sunlight
Crack in the mirror on your lips
It's the moment of a sunset Friday
When our conversations twist
It's the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo
But the ice should be on our heads
We only spun the web to catch ourselves
So we weren't left for dead

And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you
And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to

I'm not dead just floating
Right between the ink of your tattoo
In the belly of the beast we turned into
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight

You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the facts
That others come and others go but you always come back
I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain
And just like the change of seasons
I know you'll be back again

I'm not dead just floating
Underneath the ink of my tattoo
I've tried to hide my scars from you
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight oh

I'm not dead just yet
I'm not dead I'm just floating
Doesn't matter where I'm going
I'll find you
I'm not scared at all
Underneath the cuts and bruises
Finally gained what no one loses
I'll find you
I will find you

I'm not dead just floating
I'm not scared just changing
You're my crack of sunlight yeah

In my dreams
It was me in your arms
My lips on yours
There was only us
And the clouds
And the stars
It was the world and us
It was us against the world
But in your arms I could take it
Anything the world dished out
And with your kisses I was strong again
In my dreams it was me in your arms
My lips on yours
But in reality
I've never deserved you.

waiting for the end.

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

last regret.

shed a tear cox im missing you

i've just realised how little friends i have.
its just so pathetic that only this few friends could understand me.
its really sadding to hear that people are hating your attitude when
non of them knows why i've turned liddat.
look at pearlyn,wee leng,laura,swee hong.
since when did they complain about my attitude.
even if they did,i would regconise their thoughts.
at least they know my inside out.
but other than them..
look at how the others treat me.
its just like people judging a book by its cover.
i see no point in being friends with them.
theres nothing worth my time in them.
i just wan to give advise to my love ones.
i wont even bother to talk to "them" anymore.
because in the end,its just not worth it.
in the end.im just being taken for granted.
im really wore out.
im tired of living.
just when i tried to live a again.
the devil comes over and fuck it all up.
im really tired..
i need my time alone i guess..
its been hard on me..really.
even robots needs to take a break.
i hope i wont shed a tear for my "friends" anymore.
instead ill love my close ones with all i could.
protect time.and hopefully we will stay strong..
hopefully ill be the sacrifice.
hopefully i can rest in peace.

enough said.
im not turning back anymore.
this is the new me.
no more changing.
i told myself.
i've live my life to the fullest already.
i've enjoyed the process of turning into an adult.
i've learn so much that i myself is suprise.
i hope its time for me to go.
i really wanna rest my head and meet my maker in peace.

thanks everyone for being there for me.
i love you.u guys are the best.

Dear Cx Trapnest, Your Life Path Number is 8. This based on below calculation:

Birth Date: 26-06-1992
2+6+0+6+1+9+9+2=35=3+5=8:

Below are the analysis of life path number
...The Life Path 8 suggests that you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and govern. You are very ambitious and goal-oriented. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you were born to be an executive.: See more
You know how to manage yourself and your environment. Your ability to judge the character and potential of the people around you is an asset used to your advantage. A large part of your success in life comes from how hard you work. This Life Path is the most prone to producing workaholics. But your ability to spot good people and engage them in your endeavors is a special trait not to be overlooked. There is an inspirational quality in your makeup which allows you to become a great leader. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead

i shouldnt have went.

alright alright.
imma go smoke.
then imma try to sleep.
then imma wake up.
and its gonna be the time when im just about to go meet
twins cousin.
and after that im gonna get fucking drunk at chimes.

dad?

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life 
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with  


Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 


I watched you die(in the heart)
I heard you cry(in the heart)
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me 
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing 

wonderful world?

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

all these are too much for me.
too much for my sis.
too much for everybody.
yeah,i had enough.
god if you want,just put my body in peace.
everything screwed up.
EVERYTHING.
i cant fucking pass through this test.
i just cant.
its not as simple as you think.
treating me this way,with this kind of life.
and all i wanted was a teenage life.
nothing more nothing less.
not some fucked up one with
family problems,relationships,finiance,studies,friends problem.
yeah i had enough.
if i were to just die.
fucking anyway.
please.
just take me away.
i wanna meet my maker in peace.
i wanna feel alive again.
its not like i wanted this.
buts its alittle too late.
and i just cant take these stress.
i wont struggle on.
in a way so cold.
in a way so cruel.
and i just cant fucking take this anymore!

now i think i understand.
how this world can overcome a man
like a friend we saw it though
in the end i gave my life for you

gave you all i had to give
founjd a place for me to rest my head
while i may be hard to find
heard theres peace just on the other side

not that i could
not that i would
let it bleed.
let it flow.
let it flood.

left this life to set me free
took a piece of you inside of me
all this hurt can finally fade
promise me you'll never feel afraid.

i hope its worth it
whats left behind me,yeah
i know you'll find your own way
when im not with you tonight



yeah it felt like hell when i saw you broke down.
im sorry.i just needed to show my anger because i needed to find someone to blame
i really hated you.but you didnt.
when i told you that i feel like a useless trash at home,
u told me that im not.
though u were not there when i needed you.
because u never knew me.
and i had never let you know me.
not tat i could or that i would.
its just that i wanted people to suffer under my burden.
i wanted to face it alone.
but i had friends.
friends who actually showed care and concerns towards me unlike how
cold both my sisters treat me.
i felt so outkast when i see u two chatting.
i couldnt join in.
i wasnt born for this group.
i wasnt born to had lots of friends too.
but i carried on living a lonely life.
till i found my girl.
my life was brighten up like how the sun did to the moon.
when we broke up..the heaven fell on my shoulder.
its like my moon no longer shines anymore.
till i broke down recently
i realise that im weak.
im childish.
im useless.
im bad tempered.
i am one hard kid to handle
i turned in to this monster i couldnt regconise.
i just feel like dying,

so far away

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong enough despite
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands are tied

So far away
And I need you to know
So far away
And I need you to need you to know

too late,for the other side.

have you ever felt like just saying fuck it?
when you drop from that high to this low?
well i did.not once.not twice.i didnt gave up my life.
yeah life a bitch.so i bitch it back.

imprisoned by a selfish bitch life.
chew me up and spit me out.
i fell for this so many times.
its ridiculous
and still i stick with this
im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
evil as they come vandictive as they make em
my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away
from im addicted
to the pain,the stress the drama
im drown in so i guess imma mess
cursed and blessed.

so meaningful huh?
definitely suiting.

i guess i'v chosen my road long time ago sis,mom,dad,friends.
this is the kind of life i want.
whenever i wanna leave this motherfucking house,i leave.
whenever i need friends,there are always there.
whenever i need help,they are always there too.
but not at home mom.not at home.

today i spent the whole morning thinking about how i fucked up.
yeah.im still trying to get over it.
but i couldnt believe it.
when i mention break up.
u hesitated.
u said okay.
i couldnt believe that you had such a low faith in yourself and myself.
seriously,i didnt saw that coming.
i bet you didnt too.
whats fucking done is fucking done.
maybe you cried the whole night.
i was mourning the whole night and morning.

well,i guess im really addicted to the stress,the drama the pain.
its just like taking drugs.
these pills just kill me slowly inside but they dont really finish me up.
you let me off your list.
fucking fucked up life.
im leaving.