have you ever felt like just saying fuck it? when you drop from that high to this low? well i did.not once.not twice.i didnt gave up my life. yeah life a bitch.so i bitch it back. imprisoned by a selfish bitch life. chew me up and spit me out. i fell for this so many times. its ridiculous and still i stick with this im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction evil as they come vandictive as they make em my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away from im addicted to the pain,the stress the drama im drown in so i guess imma mess cursed and blessed.
so meaningful huh? definitely suiting.
i guess i'v chosen my road long time ago sis,mom,dad,friends. this is the kind of life i want. whenever i wanna leave this motherfucking house,i leave. whenever i need friends,there are always there. whenever i need help,they are always there too. but not at home mom.not at home.
today i spent the whole morning thinking about how i fucked up. yeah.im still trying to get over it. but i couldnt believe it. when i mention break up. u hesitated. u said okay. i couldnt believe that you had such a low faith in yourself and myself. seriously,i didnt saw that coming. i bet you didnt too. whats fucking done is fucking done. maybe you cried the whole night. i was mourning the whole night and morning.
well,i guess im really addicted to the stress,the drama the pain. its just like taking drugs. these pills just kill me slowly inside but they dont really finish me up. you let me off your list. fucking fucked up life. im leaving.
its not that im trying to dis you or anything. but sometimes i really need encouraging words from you instead of, "if u find someone better i wish u all the best" wtf is wrong with you? it doesnt mean that letting go can meant giving happiness, you go around applying that! come on,u know i really had a tough day YESterday. u kept trying to irritate me. once or twice is alright,but i can tell u this. sometimes it really hurts,just that i dont show it to you. i know u missed me alot,thats why i asked u out yesterday. but instead of picking up my call,u try to ignore me. and what is this,when i send u home,u just kept walking without turning back to see if im fine. i guess if i had fainted back there,u wouldnt care until i shouted at you. who wouldnt be pissed off? you tell me what to do,not me. im sick of trying to struggle on with u there expecting everything from me. i know its a hard road. we struggled long enough. but that doesnt mean we have to give up now. its a race,but the race aint over yet. stop listening to that retarded song i wanted you. -.-
fuck.i lost my ezlink -.-|| i need a new slipper. NEW URBAN! (hint hint)
Is anybody out there? It feels like I'm talkin to myself No one seems to know my struggle, and everything I come from Can anybody hear me? Yeah, I guess I keep talkin' to myself It feels like I'm goin' insane, am I the one who's crazy?
So why in the world do I feel so alone Nobody but me, I'm on my own Is there anyone out there, who feels the way I feel? If there is then let me in so that I know that I'm not the only one
everyone has been there once before? well i've been there like countless times. wonder hows pops doing. should i visit him? i didn't thought that "that" was a good idea. so i skipped. im stuck at home. im financially broke. fucked up sis. fucked up home. im lonely. everything is screwed.
Loyalty & Reassurance You tend to be doubtful about the status of your relationships. You always fear that the end might sneak up on you and you would once again go through the pain and embarrassment of loosing the person you love to someone else.Past relationships have left you with a pessimistic way of thinking and you constantly need reassurance.You want someone who needs and loves you just as much and you need and love them. You want to believe your lover only has eyes for you.
i know i've been such a disappointment all these year. im really sorry.i feel you pain now. i've never really achieve some to make you proud before. remember the song "perfect"? "hey dad look at me,think back and talk to me did i grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. it really hurts.. all these years.
And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't pretend that I'm alright And you can't change me.
I try not to think About the pain I feel inside Did you know you used to be my hero? All the days you spent with me Now seem so far away And it feels like you don't care anymore."
im sorry dad..im really sorry this time. i hope god will bless you with all his love. its been hard for you. rest well over there...
August 24, 2010
when hope fails you. pull up your chin. there's always another way.
god...its like the 3rd day that im still awake. haven gotten much sleep yet. at times like this,there's too much getting into my head. might blow up anytime?
i was kinda REALLY tired a few hours back, watching some lame "ghost" movie at wei sin house with kaiz. i seriously fell asleep instantly.
my cough hasn't been cured. its been like weeks. wonder if im really smoking too much or maybe i should just stop.
(1..2...1,2,3,4) Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you I'm still alright to smile Girl, I think about you every day now Was a time when I wasn't sure But you set my mind at ease There is no doubt you're in my heart now Said woman take it slow It'll work itself out fine All we need is just a little patience Said sugar make it slow And we'll come together fine All we need is just a little patience (inhale) Patience... Ooh, oh, yeah
Sit here on the stairs 'Cause I'd rather be alone If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear Sometimes, I get so tense But I can't speed up the time But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider Said woman take it slow Things will be just fine You and I'll just use a little patience Said sugar take the time 'Cause the lights are shining bright You and I've got what it takes to make it We won't fake it, Oh never break it 'Cause I can't take it
...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah, Need a little patience, yeah Just a little patience, yeah Some more pati... (ence, yeah) I've been walking these streets at night Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah) It's hard to see with so many around You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah) And the streets don't change but maybe the name I ain't got time for the game 'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah) Yeah, yeah well I need you Oh, I need you (Take some patience) Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need) Ooh, this ti- me....
August 22, 2010
has anyone ever wonder if you're the only one suffering so much pain? enduring,struggling and trying to live on? wishing and hoping that its the end of your life? that's a selfish person.
i saw this qoute "dying is the day worth living for" took me quite awhile to digest this one. "the day we die is the day where its most worth living for." if you know that you are going to die, you'll definitely treasure what you've left,make the best out of it. thats how the qoute "live each day like its your last" comes about. then you'll see the idea. if theres no death,there will be no reason for living. maybe im wrong. maybe the afterlife does happens.
I hate my life, I can't sit still for One more single day
I've been here waiting for, Something to live and die for Let's run and hide
Out of touch, out of time Just get lost without a sign As long as you stand by my side,
In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine Shine.
You see my soul, I'm a nightmare. I'm out of control, I'm crashing, Into the dark, into the blue, Into the world of our cocoon.
You're the sun and I'm the moon
In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine Shine
Don't let go-oh, oh, oh no don't you know?!
In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine Shine! Shine! Shine!
In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine In your shadow I can shine Shine! Shine! Shine!
In your shadow I can shine
August 9, 2010
stop complaining,i know im a fucking stealer :X
August 2, 2010
home.
I'm staring out into the night, Trying to hide the pain. I'm going to the place where love And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old So I'm going home. Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems, The closer I get to you. I've not always been the best man or friend for you. But your love, remains true. And I don't know why. You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old.
Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, And then some you don't want. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old. I said these places and these faces are getting old. So I'm going home. I'm going home.
did i really make the right decision back there? i think failed.im so disappointed. the more i think,the more i smoke. what the fuck is wrong with me. im sick of being down. sick of being stressed. sick of my parents. sick of school. sick of studies. i wanna breakdown and cry. prolly jump down some building dying without anyone noticing, fuck. why do i have such naive thoughts. i feel stupid now. retarded. fuck. someone kill me please!
BYE
No matter how many times did you told me you wanted to leave No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breath No matter how many nights did you lie I'd wait to the sounds of pausing rain Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go? (Heart beat, a heart beat, i need a heart beat...)
Tell me would you kill to save your life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn let it all burn This sorry can't change things, I so long to cry (This hurricane's chasing us all underground)
No matter how many deaths I die, I will never forget No matter how many lies I live, I will never regret There's a fire inside, Of this heart, About to explode into flames Where is your God? Where is your God? Where is your God...?
Do you really want? Do you really want me? Do you really want me dear?
Do you really want? (A heart beat, a heart beat, I need a heart beat... You know I gotta leave, I can't stay, I know I gotta go, I can't stay)
Tell me would you kill to save your life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry (This hurricane's chasing us all underground)
You say you wrong, you wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight Ok, I'm running from the light, running from the day to night Oh, the quiet silence defines our misery The riot inside keeps trying to visit me No matter how we try, it's too much history Too many bad notes playing in our symphony So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow And then you call upon God You call upon God
Tell me would you kill to save your life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn If sorry can't fix the things i so long to cry (This hurricane's chasing us all underground)
a really meaningful song.
sorry people,its just the broken down me if you see me looking kinda weird. i need time to patch myself back. why the fuck did i write this when i know that nobody came to my blog for awhile already. no one tags,so i take it as 0 count. NEVERMIND IM TALKING TO MYSELF. yeah im going insane.
[Verse 1:] We touch I feel a rush We clutch it isnt much But its enough to make me wonder whats in store for us Its lust its torturous You must be a sorceress cause you just Did the impossible Gain my trust dont play games itll be dangerous If you fuck me over Cause if I get burnt imma show you what its like to hurt Cause I been treated like dirt before ya And love is evil Spell it backwards I'll show ya
Nobody knows me I'm cold Walk down this road all alone Its noones fault but my own Its the path ive chosen to go Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so Dont ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin hos Bloodsuckin succubus what the fuck is up with this Ive tried in this department but I aint had no luck with this Its sucks but its exactly what I thought it would be Like tryin to start over I gotta hole in my heart I'm some kind of emotional rollercoaster Somethin I wont go on til you toy with my emotion so its over Its like an explosion everytime I hold ya wasnt jokin when I told ya Ya take my breathe away Your a supernova.. and I'm a
[Chorus:] Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon And I'm aiming right at you Right at you 250 thousand miles on a clear night in June And I aim it right at you Right at you Right at you
[Verse 2:] I do whatever it takes When I'm with you I get the shakes My body aches when I aint With you I have zero strength Theres no limit on how far I would go No boundaries no lengths Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks Gonna be that one and then once we get em its never the same You want them when they dont want you Soon as they do feelings change Its not a contest and I aint on no conquest for no mate I wasnt lookin but I stumbled onto you mustve been fate But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take Lets cut to the chase But a door shuts in your face Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open That I wont be makin a mistake
[Chorus] Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon And I'm aiming right at you Right at you 250 thousand miles on a clear night in June And I aim it right at you Right at you Right at you
[Verse 3:] So after a year and 6 months its no longer me that you want But I love you so much it hurts Never mistreated you once I poured my heart out to you Let down my guard swear to god Ill blow my brains in your lap Lay here and die in your arms Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin Im tryin to stop you from leavin You wont even listen so fuck it Im tryin to stop you from breathin I put both hands on your throat I sit on top of you squeezin Til I snap ya neck like a popsicle stick Aint no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house And let you live Tears streamed down both of my cheeks Then I let you just go and just give And before I put that gun to my temple I told you this
And I would do anything for you To show you how much I adored you But its over now Its too late to save our love Just promise me youll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star cause imma
[Chorus] Im'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon And I'm aiming right at you Right at you 250 thousand miles on a clear night in June And I'm so lost without you Right at you Right at you
Tonight the sky above Reminds me of you, love Walking through wintertime Where the stars all shine The angel on the stairs Will tell you I was there Under the front porch light On a mystery night
I’ve been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind Would the wind be at my back? Could I get you off my mind This time
June 27, 2010
hey god..was what i did right or wrong.. i have no idea.. though its my birthday..i haven felt happy yet. issit because im lost? or issit because im stupid..
[Intro] Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life Yeah Too late I cant keep chasing em I'm taking my life back Caught in a change 25 to life
[Verse 1] I dont think she understands the sacrifices that I made Maybe if this bitch had acted right I wouldve stayed But ive already wasted over half of my life I wouldve laid Down and died for you I no longer cry for you No more pain bitch you Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet Into the dirt I can no longer stand it Now my respect I demand it Imma take control of this relationship Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me So you better hear me out this much you owe me I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while ive stayed Paved for all the way this is how I fucking get repaid Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess Always in a rush to get back to you I aint heard you yet Not even once say you apreciate me I deserve respect Ive done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness And I know that if I end this I'll no longer have nothing left But you keep treating me like a staircase its time to fucking step And I wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath You know what youve done no need to go in depth I told you, youd be sorry if I fucking left Id laugh while you wept Hows it feel now, yeah, funny aint it, you neglected me And I know that if I'm in this I'll no longer have nothing left Did me a favor although my spirit free you've said But a special place for you in my heart I have kept Its unfortunate but its,
[Chorus] Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life
[Verse 2] I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh Cause that aint good enough you expect me to fold myself in half Til I snap Dont think I'm loyal All I do is rap I can not moonlight on the side I have no life outside of that Dont I give you enough of my time You dont think so do you Jealous when I spend time with the girls Why I'm married to you still man I dont know But tonight I'm serving you with papers Im divoricing you Go marry someone else and make em famous And take away there freedom like you did to me Treat em like you dont need them and they aint worthy of you Feed em the same shit you made me eat Im moving on forget you oh, Now I'm special, ha I felt special when I was with you All I ever felt was this Helplessness Imprisoned by a selfish bitch Chew me up and spit me out I fell for this so many times Its ridiculus And still I stick with this Im sick of this but in my sickness and addiction Your as addictive as they get Evil as they come vandictive as they make em My friends keep asking why I cant just walk away Im addicted To the pain, the stress, the drama Im drown in so I guess imma mess Cursed and blessed But this time imma Aint changing my mind I'm climbing out this abyss You screaming as I walk out that I'll be missed But when you spoke to people who meant the most to you You left me off your list Fuck you hip-hop Im leaving you, my life sentence is served bitch And its just
[Chorus] Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life Too late for the other side Caught in a change 25 to life Too late Caught in a change 25 to life
time is going by, so much faster that i, can never really spend it all with you~
love the part of the song never gonna be alone by nickelback.
school today. i went early for the first time ever. LOL. cox i slept since i reach home yesterday. -.- till this morning. went in the class and saw HKP alone -.- went cafe 3 for drink.
after cmos,which i never really do anything except for fb and playing my itouch, went lobster to eat. some shitty chilli pork meat rice. salty , spicy.YUK.
after makan, pon java for the first time. regret liao -.-
May 16, 2010
Going back to the corner where I first saw you, Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move, Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand, Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am, Some try to hand me money they don't understand, I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man, I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do, How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving... I'm not moving.
Policeman says son you can't stay here, I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year, Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows, If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving... I'm not moving.
I'm not moving... I'm not moving.
People talk about the guy Who's waiting on a girl... Oohoohwoo There are no holes in his shoes But a big hole in his world... Hmmmm
and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved, And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news, And you'll come running to the corner... Cos you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved I'm the man who can't be moved...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street. [Repeat in background]
So I'm not moving... I'm not moving.
I'm not moving... I'm not moving.
Going back to the corner where I first saw you, Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.
well,its the end for me. so sick of people asking me where are you now. just fuck off seriously. yep its true,i feel despised. go bother someone else PLEASE.
You're gone from here Soon you will disappear Fading into beautiful light 'cause everybody's changing And I don't feel right.
April 29, 2010
wow.i slept from yesterday,when i just reach home till this morning. went to school..realised theres only 1 lesson -.- should have skip school. boring lectures..by mr ONGG lesson halfway some friends wanna go cafe eat. kinda hungry so join them.. toilet...went back. 30mins gone. just when we were back,theres another break XD.
well..other than photoshop. im not learning much in school. Computer maintenance shit..dun quite understand. java...haven attend a single lesson yet.
fyi my laptop crashed thats why maybe i nvr reply some of ya or ya cannot send msg to me no worries.getting it fixed today :)
bye.
April 15, 2010
well...first few days of school pretty much sucked. had to follow wee leng around course no friends there. not really ZERO friends la. made a few...locus and wilfred. kailin in my class too :)
seen one of my lecturer. kinda sian. hiax.
nvm. bye bye
April 8, 2010
die die must watch.
April 5, 2010
my np appeal failed. wasnt really expecting anything at all. but why..this feeling.
