sometimes i wonder,
why have i become like this.
is it the family fault?
the environment fault?
my fault?
or god's fault?

i found no reason to blame myself.
I didn't become this monster for no reason.
"they" turned me into this.
it wasn't my choice.
i was born like this,

being disciplined through violence,
being isolated,
being ignored,
being friendless,
being...left behind.

was all this to make me stronger?
i doubt so..
though i believe,that i'm more independent now then before,
scars don't fade.
these scars turned me into a monster.
a monster that no one understands.

whenever she and he tries to discipline me...
i ask myself..who are you to teach me?
who taught me all these things?

asked me not to speak in vulgar language?
asked me not to be so ill-disciplined?
asked me not to disrespect?
asked me not to leave?

who are you to tell me what to do?
are u fit enough to be my sister?
are u fit enough to be my parent?
think again.
my attitude didn't come from nowhere.

im not trying to blame or push.
just trying to think out loud.
if you hate me,then hate me.
u don't need ur concern.
don't need ur care.
i'm sick of being treated like a little boy.
i am no boy.
so why not you just back off? and leave the fuck away from me.
because your presence disgust me.
ur history disrespected you.

my life ain't yours.
i can handle my life MYSELF.
i don't need stress from you.
i have enough stress.
enough to blow my mind up.
i don't need you.
my life would have been better without this family.


what care and concern they told me...
what bullshit..
what they gave me were scars.

i'm tired...
enough of hurt.
enough of stress.
enough of you people.